she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
The Olympian is in my bed
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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