Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
