Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
