i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
