found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
