ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
My bed smells like the plague
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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