You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
