he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
