He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm bleeding and have questions
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
