Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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