I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
