She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
