I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
