i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
