I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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