"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
