What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
