I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
