Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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