I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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