yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
