What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
