Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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