I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
you have to choose: penises or morals?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
