Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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