My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
