I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
