thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
