Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
