just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
