WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
