I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
