First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
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