you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
