my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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