yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
