I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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