i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
