My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
