today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize