you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
