So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
