i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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