she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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