Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
