Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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