What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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