I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
