i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
