there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Randomize
