Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
