think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Randomize
