Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
The uberlube is also flammable
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
