I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
