Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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