Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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