Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
