Kareoke will never be a sober sport
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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