I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
