last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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