You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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