Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
