He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
