at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize