I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
we're so committed to being not committed
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
