so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
