and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
