I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
