R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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