Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
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