I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
