I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Randomize
