Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Randomize
