The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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