nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
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