they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
