Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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