Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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