you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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