My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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