I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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