Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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