I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
