Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Randomize
