a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
