first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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